Tuesday, February 21, 2017

[CRIT] The Five-Hour Energy Denver Mattress Explorers of the University of Amsterdam

Party: The Five-Hour Energy Denver Mattress Explorers of the University of Amsterdam
Adventure: Maze of the Blue Medusa
System: Lamentations of the Flame Princess
Session: #2

My Lamentations of the Flame Princess group decided that they really like bookkeeping. And I don’t blame them! Basic D&D and its many permutations tend to be pretty loosey-goosey with their resource management rules (even though it’s a crucial element of the game), which leaves room for a lot of creativity.
I’m running the party through Maze of the Blue Medusa, which I introduced through The Magnificent Joop van Ooms; Ooms considered “False Chantrelle” to be his worst work and squirreled it away in the back of his gallery.
The characters – highwaymen hired by Ooms to put a stop to a performance of his play, a story I won’t get into – ransacked Ooms’ tower after his untimely death and sold off his paintings on the black market, ferrying them out of the city via his submersible. This provided them ample funding for expeditions into the painting, dividing the game into two settings: 1600s Amsterdam and the mythical, zany realm of Psyrathella.
But as all good dungeoneers know, there’s no such thing as too much money, especially when megadungeons and gold-for-XP is involved. So after reinvesting their ill-earned wealth, they petitioned the University of Amsterdam to give students credit hours for assisting with their expeditions (secretly, the party wanted to see if any of them had latent magical powers that would be activated upon entering the maze). After a couple of good recruitment rolls, the University was so thrilled with the idea that they became the party’s sponsor, matching their investments.
Sponsors. That’s something my players had never considered before, and they capitalized upon that idea. As a joke, they emblazoned their armor with the logos of their sponsors, not unlike a NASCAR driver. To name a few: Ye Olde Five-Hour Energy and Ye Olde Denver Mattress. Before they knew it, these grungy criminals had at their disposal more money than they had seen in their entire lives. Who knew selling out could be so awesome?
But they will soon learn a harsh truth: that if you want to keep your sponsors, you have to further their goals as well. And once you sell out, you can’t survive without them.

Thursday, February 16, 2017

[CRIT] LotFP Character Sheet

I designed a character sheet to go with my Lamentations of the Flame Princess house rules, which should be in their final iteration. This character sheet takes up one side of an 8.5” x 11” page.
I design character sheets on commission! If you’re interested, hit me up at nogoodverybadhorse@gmail.com.
Last Updated 2017-03-10
Click an image to expand it! Download the PDF here! (B&W version here)

Monday, February 13, 2017

[CRIT] Treasure in LotFP

The one thing I dislike about TSR-era Dungeons & Dragons is that the amount of treasure you’re supposed to give players is either very vague, or tailored to specific creatures that might not get used in your game, or even exist in the setting.
A lot of people say to just go with your gut when placing and distributing treasure, but I’m not comfortable with that; I need some sort of metric to go off of, even if that metric is totally arbitrary. So I decided to cobble one together really quick! I’ll be using the Lamentations of the Flame Princess XP tables, since it’s my retroclone of choice.
Moldvay said in his Basic Rulebook that characters should get three-quarters of their experience points from retrieving treasure. Extrapolating this, monsters should have treasure equal to three times their experience point value.
But they shouldn’t be carrying all their money around, of course! Creatures should only have 1d10% of their treasure on person, with the rest protected by some sort of security measure: guarded by lesser monsters, squirreled away behind a trap-laden safe door, or simply in a form that is nigh impossible to move efficiently. If the characters nab whatever the monster is carrying on its person, that amount should be deducted from their hoard.
If a monster or NPC is particularly moneybags, feel free to up the denomination to gold pieces. But ten times the value should make it ten times as hard! Shaking down a teenage noble (level 0 Fighter) is easy in principle, but has a much more severe set of considerations and consequences than stabbing a goblin or two.
Side note: this table – as well as converting it up to gold pieces when needed – is a great way to value things that don’t have prices in-game. Wealth is relative, after all!
EDIT: A friend told me that he wants to use this table for D&D 5e. If you also want to do that, I would bump up silver up to gold, and with moneybag moments bump gold up to platinum. It lines up better with prices in D&D 5e, and keeps the same loot ration present in LotFP.
Hit Dice
Treasure Hoard (sp)
Treasure Carried
2 cp - 2 sp
3 cp - 3 sp
8 cp - 8 sp
2-15 sp
3-23 sp
3-30 sp
8-75 sp
15-150 sp
23-225 sp
30-300 sp
38-375 sp
45-450 sp
Per +1 HD
+5-50 sp

Thursday, February 9, 2017

[CRIT] LotFP House Rules

Last Updated 2017-03-10


Character Creation

Starting Equipment

At character creation, every character has the following equipment. Shopping for additional gear is not allowed. You do not have to take everything.
  • A medium weapon, or two minor weapons
  • A bow, or a light crossbow
  • d6 arrows or d6 crossbow bolts
  • Shield
  • Helmet
  • Bedroll
  • Lantern
  • Flask of lamp oil
  • Potion of Healing (1d6+1)
  • 3 iron rations
  • 3d6 silver pieces


  • Swapping Spells: You can use a holy symbol to swap a spell you have prepared for one of equal or lower. The time it takes to do this depends on the material of your holy symbol.
    • Wood: Once per hour
    • Steel: Spend an exploration turn
    • Silver: Use your whole combat round, or at will outside of combat


  • Hammer and Anvil: You add your Strength modifier to damage rolls made with hard attacks (minimum +1)
  • You use the Appraise skill instead of the Architecture for your class skill progression.
  • All save values are decreased by 2.


  • +1 to Charisma modifier


  • Burglar: You have a 3 in 6 in the Vanish skill, and can use the skill even if you aren’t a Specialist.
  • You have 5 in 6 in the Stealth skill, not just in the wilderness.

Magic Users

  • Cantrips: Minor magical effects can be manifested at will based on the spells you have prepared. For example, a prepared sleep spell lets you make people yawn for free. If you keep a spell prepared for more than one day, cantrips will manifest spontaneously and sporadically.


  • Specialists get 6 skill points at first level, instead of 4.

Character Advancement

Gold for XP

You do not gain experience points from monsters or from retrieving treasure. The only way to get experience points is to purchase them at the rate of 1 gold piece for each experience point.
When you have enough experience points to gain a level, you determine what the wealth spent towards your level advancement is used for; whatever that is is typically treated as property or an investment.
This could be anything, from something as simple to moving your family out of poverty (low levels), to purchasing the inn of your dreams (mid levels), to improving the safety conditions on a main trade road (high levels). Each investment is something that can provide new roleplaying opportunities, plant the seeds for an adventure, even change the way the in-game world works.

Ability Scores

Applications of Ability Modifiers

  • Charisma: Recruitment, reaction, magic saves
  • Constitution: Hit points for each level, A Quick Death skill, Concentration skill (Magic User and Cleric only)
  • Dexterity: Fast attack bonus, Fast Armor Class, Initiative
  • Intelligence: Bonus skill points at first level, Arcana skill (Magic User only), Language skill, Elf and Magic User bonus spells
  • Strength: Hard attack bonus, Hard Armor Class, Open Doors skill, bonus encumbrance slots
  • Wisdom: Non-magical saves, Cleric bonus spells

Bonus Spells

Elves, Magic Users, and Clerics get bonus spells per day from high Ability scores:
  • 13-15: +1 first level spell per day
  • 16-17: +1 first level spell per day, and +1 second level spell per day. The second level spell slot cannot be used until level 3.
  • 18: +1 first, second, and third level spell per day. The second level spell slot cannot be used until level 3, and the third level spell slot cannot be used until level 5.

Recruitment & Reaction

Each recruitment attempt takes one day.
Reaction rolls have replaced recruitment rolls, though you can still increase your reaction roll by +1 for raising the price by 50%. In addition, you add your Charisma modifier to reaction rolls.
The number of retainers you can hire at a time is equal to 4 + your Charisma modifier. The morale of those retainers is equal to 7 + your Charisma modifier.

Dice Rolls

Ability Checks

I don’t use Ability checks in my games unless required by a specific mechanic or a published adventure. To make an Ability check, roll a d20; you succeed if the value is less than the specified Ability score.

Advantage and Disadvantage

Instead of applying bonuses and penalties to saving throws, skill checks, and attack rolls, you instead apply either advantage or disadvantage, respectively:
  • Advantage: You roll two dice and take the higher roll. For skill checks with a 6 in 6 chance, you roll three dice and take the highest two.
  • Disadvantage: You roll two dice and take the lower roll. For skill checks with a 6 in 6 chance, you roll three dice and take the lowest two.
Advantage cancels out disadvantage. You can only have one advantage or one disadvantage; they do not stack.


Unskilled Henchmen

For each unskilled henchman in your party, you can carry an additional encumbrance point worth of items. Make sure you track which hirelings have which items.

Skilled Henchmen

Skilled henchmen in your party can be “spent” in order to provide the benefits listed below. You “regain” your hirelings after a 10 minute rest. Dead hirelings cannot be regenerated.
  • Take a Hit: If you are targeted by an attack roll, or by an effect that requires a saving throw, you can spend a hireling to automatically succeed. If failing the roll would drop you to 0 hit points, decrease an ability score, decrease experience points, or cause a permanent condition, the hireling dies and a morale check is made.
  • Help: When you make an attack roll, ability check, or skill check, you roll two dice and take the better one.

Hit Points

Flesh & Grit

Your hit points are divided into pools of flesh and grit:
  • Flesh is the hit points you have at 1st level.
  • Grit is the hit points you gain after 1st level.
When your grit is depleted, you start taking damage to your flesh. Ranged weapon attacks and surprise attacks bypass your grit and deal damage to flesh.
When you receive healing, you divide the healing among your flesh and your grit. Healing 1 flesh requires an entire die worth of healing, unless you are using the Surgery skill.
When your flesh is damaged:
  • You have disadvantage to ability checks, attack rolls, and saving throws.
  • Whenever you cast a spell, you make a concentration check.


Your hit points cannot be reduced below 0. If your hit points are 0, you are dying.
When you are dying, you use the A Quick Death skill every combat round and exploration turn. If you accrue 6 failures, you die. Each instance of damage you take while dying counts as an automatic failure.
When you receive any amount of healing, you stop dying.

Saving Throws

There are only two types of saving throws: Non-Magical and Magical.
Use your Paralyze save progression for Non-Magical saves, and your Magic save progression for Magical saves.
Subtract your Wisdom modifier from your Non-Magical save value, and your Intelligence modifier from your Magical save value.


Advancing Skills

When you succeed with a skill, put a tally next to it. When you level up, roll a number of d6s equal to your current skill level. If the amount is equal to or less than the tallies in that skill, it increases by 1 pip.

Removed Skills

  • Architecture

Success and Twists

When a character uses a skill, it always succeeds. However, if the skill roll fails, the character suffers a “twist.”
For example, a character will always be able to scale the tower, but if they fail their climb roll, then they lose their pack during the climb.

New Skill: A Quick Death

When you are at 0 hit points, you must use this skill each combat round and exploration turn. See the “Dying” rules under the Hit Points section above for more information.
You add your Constitution modifier to this skill.

New Skill: Appraisal

If successful, you learn the exact value of a piece of treasure.

New Skill: Arcana

This skill is used to successfully use magic devices if you don’t know what they do or how they work. Magic Users can use it to cast identify or detect magic without using a spell slot.
Magic Users add their Intelligence modifier to this skill’s rating.

New Skill: Busking

You can use this skill once each day you are in town. If successful, you make a number of silver pieces equal to the value showing on the die.

New Skill: Craftsman

If successful, you can do one of the following:
  • Repair a broken item
  • Unjam or repair a firearm
  • Select a number of weapons equal to the value showing on the die. For each weapon, you can either bestow advantage to the next attack roll made with it, or allow its next damage roll to be made twice, taking the higher roll.

New Skill: Concentration (Magic User and Cleric Only)

You use this skill if you declared that you are casting a spell this round, and you take damage before the spell is cast. If successful, you keep your spell.
You add your Constitution modifier to this skill.

New Skill: Cooking

If successful, when you spend food and fresh water, a number of other creatures equal to the value showing on the die also have food and fresh water.

New Skill: Mapping

If successful, you add the area you’re in to your map, and can travel to it instantaneously (see rules on movement dice).

New Skill: Surgery

If successful, you restore an amount of hit points to a creature that isn’t dying equal to the value of your skill roll.
If you fail, you cause damage to a character equal to the number of empty pips in this skill.

New Skill: Vanish (Specialist Only)

During combat, you can use your turn to attempt this skill. If successful, you disengage from combat, and can either choose to skulk away, or to re-enter combat with a sneak attack on your next turn. If you are engaged with more than one combatant, you have disadvantage on the skill attempt.


Exploration Turns

An exploration turn passes (10 minutes) each time the following occurs:
  • A character makes a skill check
  • A combat encounter ends
  • The party takes a rest
  • The party does something that would alert creatures in other areas of the dungeon
  • The party fast travels (this uses special rules; see the “Movement Die” section for more information)
When an exploration turn passes, the Referee checks for a random encounter.

Random Encounters

Random encounters are tracked by a d6 placed on the table, called the encounter die.
When an exploration turn passes, an encounter die is placed on the table. If an encounter die is already on the table, its value increases by 1. When the encounter die reaches 6, the die is removed from the table and a random encounter occurs.
The Referee can instead choose to “store” the encounter die, which can be spend to provide a twist. For example:
  • The water was deeper than you thought
  • The blow you took broke something in your pack
  • Your spell backfires with a deafening bang
  • The monsters have restocked a room you’ve already explored
  • The town was raided while you are gone, limiting what’s available to purchase
When the characters are spending time outside the dungeon, the Referee gets one twist per week with which to change and restock the dungeon.

What’s the Point?

The point of these exploration rules is to encourage players to specifically describe how their characters interact with the dungeon. Notice that whenever a skill check is made, a turn passes; not so if a player describes exactly how they are searching a room instead of reverting to a Search check. Additionally, encounters take turns as well, meaning combat should be a last resort, forcing players to get creative in their approaches.


When you spend an exploration turn to rest, you heal 1 hit point. If you spend food and fresh water on your person, you heal a number of hit points equal to 1 + your level. Only one of these points can be used to heal flesh. If you have 0 hit points, you can’t recover any hit points from resting.
After you explore for 1 hour without rest, if another hour passes, you have disadvantage on all rolls that can have disadvantage until you rest.


Different types of lighting give you a certain number of light points, which are distributed within the party.
The points are divided into bright light and dim light. A character who has a bright point is in bright light; a character who has a dim point is in dim light. Characters can only have one point each, and excess points are not used.
Dim light gives the following penalties:
  • Disadvantage to attack rolls
  • Fine detail is not discernable (such as text)
  • You cannot use any skills besides A Quick Death, Arcana, Concentration, Languages, Open Doors, Sneak Attack, and Vanish (advantage in dim light)
Your lighting goes out when the next encounter die reaches a certain number.
  • Candle: 1 bright, 1 dim. Extinguishes on 4.
  • Torch: 2 bright, 2 dim. Extinguishes on 3.
  • Lantern: 3 bright, 3 dim. Extinguishes on 5.



Subtract your encumbrance points from your initiative rolls. Add your Dexterity modifier to your initiative rolls.
When you roll initiative, everyone rolls a d6. Everyone who gets 4-6 goes before the enemies; everyone who gets 1-3 goes after the enemies.
You have to declare the action you’re taking this turn before initiative is rolled. If you are casting a spell and you take damage before you cast it, you must pass a Concentration skill check or lose the spell.

Attack Rolls

Instead of melee and ranged attack bonuses, you have hard and Fast attack bonuses.
  • Hard uses your Strength modifier. Use this for bows, throwing big weapons, and for melee weapons that deal d8+ damage.
  • Fast uses your Dexterity modifier. Use this for other ranged weapons, throwing small weapons, and for melee weapons that deal d6 or less damage.

Combat Options

  • Aiming: When you are aiming, attacks against you have advantage, unless you are an Elf. Additionally, when an Elf hits with an aimed attack, they roll two damage dice and take the higher.
  • Cleave: When you drop a creature’s hit points to 0, you can immediately make an attack against another creature in range. You have a bonus to this next attack equal to any leftover damage from the creature you killed. Dwarf only.
  • Defend: This round, attacks you make and attacks others make against you both have disadvantage.
  • Gambit: If you want your attack to target a specific area or to cause a specific effect, you attack with disadvantage. Rolling an extra damage die and taking the higher roll is always a possible gambit.
  • Overpower: You have advantage on attack rolls against creatures with less hit dice than you. Fighter only.
  • Parry: During a round, you can immediately forego your action to impose disadvantage on an attack made against you this round. If you are a Dwarf, Elf, or Halfling, you also impose disadvantage on all attacks made against you for the rest of the round.
  • Press: This round, attacks you make and attacks others make against you both have advantage.
  • Two-Weapon Fighting: If you have two small or two minor weapons in each hand, your basic attack has advantage, and your Armor Class decreases by 2. If you use the press combat option, you can attack once with each weapon instead of taking advantage. Fighter, Dwarf, and Elf only.


Extra Encumbrance Slots

High Strength scores grant extra encumbrance slots that do not count towards encumbrance points:
  • 13-15: +1 slot
  • 16-17: +2 slots
  • 18: +3 slots

Movement Die

Your movement die is determined by your encumbrance points. The size of your movement dice are is determined by your encumbrance points. If there is an asterisk (*) next to the movement die size, when you fail a roll involving movement dice, you can discard an encumbrance point worth of items in order to reroll.
  • 0 points: d12*
  • 1 point: d10*
  • 2 points: d8*
  • 3 points: d8
  • 4 points: d6
  • 5 points: d4
Movement die are used in contests of speed.
  • Races: Whoever rolls the highest wins. If you’re wearing lighter armor or carrying less than your opponent, you can add your Dexterity modifier.
  • Chases: If acting as a group, use the lowest movement die in the group. If the pursuers win, they increase their movement die by 1 size; if the quarry wins, the pursuers reduce their movement die by 1 size. The chase ends when the pursuers lose on a d4 size or win on a d12 size. When your die size increases, your rolls still keep the properties of your encumbrance bracket (rolling twice, discarding items, etc.).
  • Engaging: If a party member is not involved in a combat encounter, they roll their movement die. It takes that many rounds for them to join the fight. They roll initiative at the beginning of the round that they join the fight.
  • Sprints: When crossing an area is difficult or dangerous and time is of the essence, set a total number that each character has to reach with their total movement rolls in order to cross it. Every movement die roll takes a combat round. To set a fair total needed, take half of the die size that best represents the distance, and then multiply that by 1 to 5.
  • Fast Travel: If the party wants to travel instantly to a mapped room, the Referee rolls the lowest movement die in the party. If it comes up a 1 (or whatever value the encounter chance has been increased to), a random encounter occurs on the way.
The movement dice of NPCs should be based on their encumbrance, as well as on their movement speed.


Hard & Fast Armor Class

You have two Armor Classes: one used against hard attacks, and one used against fast attacks.
Your Hard Armor Class is your base Armor Class + your Strength modifier. Your Fast Armor Class is your base Armor Class + your Dexterity modifier.
Shields add +1 to Hard Armor Class, and +2 to Fast Armor Class.

Sacrificing Shields

If you are hit by a melee or ranged attack, after damage is rolled, you can choose to expend your shield in order to ignore all damage from that attack. You must have your shield equipped.


Ignore all of the weapon descriptions provided in the equipment section. Just focus on great, medium, minor, and small weapons.
  • Great (d10): Uses Hard attack bonus. Must be used two-handed. Halflings cannot use these.
  • Medium (d8): Uses Hard attack bonus. Halflings must use these weapons two-handed.
  • Small (d6): Uses Fast attack bonus. Concealable. Can use two-weapon fighting.
  • Minor (d4): Uses Fast attack bonus. Concealable. Can be used while wrestling. Can use two-weapon fighting.

Ranged Weapons

I don’t use exact distances in my games, so I give ranged attacks disadvantage when I determine that they’re long-ranged. Muskets shoot further than bows, which shoot further than crossbows, which shoot further than firearms.
If a ranged weapon only fires every certain number of turns, you do not have to “use up” those turns in order to reload; you can perform other actions.
If you are a Dwarf, Elf, or Fighter, you can fire light crossbows once every round, heavy crossbows once every other round, and firearms once every three rounds.


  • Pistol: d6 damage, 25/50 sp (urban/rural). 2 pistols can be carried as one item. 2 pistols can be fired in the same round. Cannot be used to fire special ammo.
  • Arquebus: d8 damage, 50/100 sp (urban/rural).
  • Musket: d10 damage, 100/200 sp (urban/rural).
All firearms have the following properties:
  • Bypass all armor
  • Keep rerolling odd damage dice
  • Can only be fired every 4th round
  • Cannot be fired if wet
  • If fired when damp, a roll of 1-4 on the attack causes the gun to jam. Clearing the jam requires the Craftsman skill or an exploration turn.
  • A roll of 1 causes any special ammo loaded in the gun to explode and affect the user, automatically breaking the firearm. The firearm can be repaired with the Craftsman skill.

Spending Treasure


Investments return each month instead of each year.

Cost of Living

When in town, you have to purchase accommodations each day. If you rent or own your own accommodations, you instead buy the appropriate food listed next to the accommodation.
  • Poor/Horrid Meals: You regain your Bushcraft score in hit points each day. Make a Busking check each day or risk being thrown out of town. If you have 0 hit points, you do not regain hit points.
  • Average: You heal 1 hit point each day. If you have 0 hit points, you regain 1 hit point. This healing can be used to restore flesh on a 1:1 basis.
  • Secure/Standard Meals: You heal 1d3 hit points each day. If you have 0 hit points or any flesh damage, you heal 1 hit point. This healing can be used to restore flesh on a 1:1 basis.
  • Fancy/Fancy Meals: You heal 3 hit points each day. If you have 0 hit points or any flesh damage, you heal 1d3 hit points. This healing can be used to restore flesh on a 1:1 basis.  
  • Extravagant/Rich Meals: You heal a number of hit points equal to 1 + your level each day. If you have 0 hit points or any flesh damage, you heal 3 hit points. This healing can be used to restore flesh on a 1:1 basis.


Banking is a great way to store money that you can’t carry on your person. If you store money in a bank, it accrues 0.5% interest each month. In addition, your next character will receive the money stored in the event of your current character’s death. This money will count as experience points for your next character.


You can retire your character by spending a number of silver pieces equal to their experience points, one final property or investment that defines how that character spends the rest of their life. The remainder of your money is passed down to a new character. Your retired character becomes an NPC.